Harber Lights: Us lowly elves might be a little happier, a little less stressed on Dec. 26

It has been a busy holiday season at the Kingman Daily Miner.

And Dec.

26 will be a happy day for us typing and designing elves.

As one of Santa Claus's many field representatives, I've read, typed in and arranged on newspaper pages what seems like millions of Letters to Santa left here at the Miner.

OK, I'm exaggerating.

It was closer to only 1,000 or even 1,500 letters, but it sure seemed like a bazillion pieces of child-scrawled correspondence me and all of the other seasonal elves at the newspaper have eyed wearily.

Parents and elementary school teachers also have seen the hard-to-read, mostly misspelled letters about things of which we know little or nothing about.

Some of which were smeared with peanut butter and chocolate.

We only wish some of the letters had been smeared with food.

We run out of change to use in the vending machine sometimes when we have to stay late.

Many of us Miner elves still don't know why Mary Kate and Ashley get so much attention.

Are they related to Barbie? Is their last name Nintendo?

And most of the older elves don't know what a Play Station is, though having a place to pull up a car and get out to play would be a good way to spend an afternoon.

It would be a much more enjoyable trip than going to a gas station.

Especially if it's an afternoon when you're supposed to be at work.

Tee, hee, hee!

Big Red (AKA Santa), is too busy with his heavy public relations schedule to read this scree.

Not to mention Christmas: The season of giving.

We Miner elves just try to make sure Santa gets all of his letters.

We're sort of like the post office employees, except without the sharp uniforms.

That means we're pretty far down on Santa's production line.

The main toy plant is in the North Pole, where elf labor is cheap and plentiful.

We're just temps down here.

Santa needs to be cost conscious, especially with the overwhelming demand for electronics these days.

None of those gadgets are produced at the main plant because most of that work is done in Japan.

Ever heard of an elf named Sony? Rumor is that Santa relies on him heavily.

I wish Santa had hired me as a toy tester.

But that's a job more desirable than a glass of water in the desert during August, at least among elves.

"We all do our part," I've often say to myself while rolling my eyes.

But I suppose it's better than cleaning up the reindeer stalls.

"If I have to read about one more kid wanting Yu-Gi-Oh cards I'm going to take off my pointy hat and bang my head on the desk," one typing elf was heard to complain.

"These green felt tunics are warm but the tights don't keep out the chill," another griped.

"Purple elf suits in wool or mohair would be much more becoming."

"How about blue ones like they wear at the post office?" a wondering elf asked.

"No," the griper answered while typing feverishly.

"Dogs will be barking at us whenever we leave the office.

You know how much dogs like mail.

We won't have anything to give them."

"You're right.

Extra gifts would cut into Santa's bottom line," the wonderer surmised.

"And doggie teeth would pierce deep into our bottom lines," the first elf added.


26 will be a vacation day, but on Dec.

25 all elves can move on from holiday preparation to holiday enjoyment.

A day to decompress.

Or as we in the Christmas "industry" might say: De-sleigh.


A little holiday grub.

Open a few gifts.

Bond with the relatives.

And I'm going to surely need a long winter's nap.

Us typing and designing elves, along the pressroom gremlins, the advertising department gnomes and all of the other enchanted employees at the Miner hope your holidays will be happy.

And that you won't have to clean any reindeer stalls.