Here ye, here ye, come one, come all, come "anybody who feels the need to read ridiculous columns."
The lesson for today's class is how not to make justifications of jabs.
If you haven't picked up a copy of the Chamber of Commerce newsletter this month, you ought to. Or not. The apology (like, in its true meaning = justification) was printed in our paper earlier this month and is now on the cover of the Chamber newsletter, and it went something like this: "For anyone who feels the need to read ridiculous columns by these reporters" - me and my former City Council running mate - "(I know there must be a few of you left as I got calls from some informing me of the comments in this column), I would like to set the story right for our Chamber of Commerce members, the candidates running for city offices and the community. We do not and never have used tax dollars to throw parties for the elite business owners of this town."
Errnt! Times up. That little jab was written by Kingman Area Chamber of Commerce President and CEO Beverly Liles. Her friends call her Bev. I call her Kingman Area Chamber of Commerce President and CEO Beverly Liles.
Kingman Area Chamber of Commerce President and CEO Beverly Liles wanted to "set the story right," as the story, and the record, was left, apparently.
It also is apparently apparent that Kingman Area Chamber of Commerce President and CEO Beverly Liles still receives $190,000 from taxpayers to run her Chamber. Do her quarterly payments of $45,000 go directly into the Business Owner Party - a.k.a. "Chamber Mixer" - Fund? No, they go into tourism, another fund, basically, that is $190,000 short every year.
I'll note here that Kingman Area Chamber of Commerce President and CEO Beverly Liles has served as Chamber president and CEO for something crazy - 16 years! and 19 years! if you include the three she was on the board of directors.
To put that in perspective: Mike Conner has served as the Bullhead City Chamber of Commerce president and CEO about seven years; Lisa Krueger has served as Lake Havasu City Chamber of Commerce president and CEO about six years, which leads me to believe that Beverly Liles must be, like, the best Chamber of Commerce president and CEO EVER!
And as the best Kingman Area Chamber of Commerce president and CEO EVER, Kingman Area Chamber of Commerce President and CEO Beverly Liles still isn't able to run her Chamber without the help of taxpayer dollars. I say that because I'm thinking, just thinking, that perhaps the tourism fund wouldn't be so short if Kingman Area Chamber of Commerce President and CEO Beverly Liles didn't throw parties every month. It's all just a pool of money divided up. And without the city's help, the pool is only knee deep. Ridiculous?
Justifications of jabs.
"If for any reason," Kingman Area Chamber of Commerce President and CEO Beverly Liles wrote in her apology, "the city chooses not to fund tourism through the Kingman Area Chamber of Commerce, the chamber will function with no concerns."
Is she saying that as a business entity, the Chamber could be self-sufficient? Now there's a concept. And what great timing!
The city is cutting back on spending in light of a $1.7 million revenue shortfall, so perhaps the Chamber could do its part and not accept the handouts, even for just a year. And here's another idea: stop sending out postcards to every home in Kingman to push a political agenda. That's not a Chamber's job. A Chamber's job is to make Kingman attractive, to aid local businesses and to take photos of ribbon-cutting ceremonies.
Beverly Liles' ridiculous rebuttal to my ridiculous tongue-in-cheek campaign column in January wasn't the first of this kind of hilarity.
Remember the oh-so scientific polls she took prior to the Nov. 6 election? Ha! It makes my little belly jiggle just thinking about it. She polled a whole THIRTEEN PERCENT of the business owners and determined that the city's three bonds would pass by a landslide (80 percent) and that all the Kingman Crossing ballot measures would fly through without a problem.
Of course, they all came crashing down with overwhelming support AGAINST the measures (60 percent), but hey, statistics are statistics whether they're overly stated or just embarrassingly wrong.
There are some things in life that are truly ridiculous. Other things are very serious. Such as this: "I know the Miner editorial staff likes to poke fun at the expense of government and other public service entities," Kingman Area Chamber of Commerce President and CEO Beverly Liles wrote. "But when truth and correct information are not a part of the fun, the joke isn't all that humorous."
And she's right, except when truth and correct information misleads to the point of being ridiculous.