Cowards. Chickens. Appeasers. Fraidy-cats. People who have to look up "guts" in the dictionary to realize they don't have any.
I'm talking to you, Sony Pictures, you lily-livered La-La-Land weaselmonkeys. And to you as well, Regal Entertainment, AMC Entertainment, Cinemark, Carmike Cinemas and Cineplex Entertainment, along with any other theater chain that cravenly kowtowed to a vague threat that Homeland Security deemed to be without substance.
You really blew it.
"The Interview," a Seth Rogen-James Franco comedy about a couple of bumbling journalists tasked with assassinating North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un that was set for Christmas release, was primed for a big opening, given the bile streaming from North Korea over the film.
Hackers, possibly connected to North Korea, wrecked Sony's computer system, and they truly did crippling damage. And then came the threats in broken English - references to 9/11 and a warning to stay away from theaters.
You know what America was ready to do? Blow off those goofballs and go to the movies. But no. You had to be knee-knocking nervous Nellies who give nervous Nellies a bad name and pull the plug, refusing to screen it on Christmas Day, you yellow-bellied, fainting-spell prone, having-the-vapors dishrags. There have been feeble claims that you want to put it online, but I'll believe that when it happens, especially since a theater in Texas that wanted to show the film was denied.
And then - despite having some of the best writers in the world at your beck and call - you release this mealy-mouthed, worm-tongued statement:
"We are deeply saddened at this brazen effort to suppress the distribution of a movie, and in the process do damage to our company, our employees, and the American public. We stand by our filmmakers and their right to free expression and are extremely disappointed by this outcome."
If you were really standing by your filmmakers, you lunkbrain apologists, you would release the movie - and tell those North Korean hacker terrorists to suck a hippopotamus through a straw.
Freedom of expression is one of those bedrock American principles that can only be curtailed in the most extreme of circumstances, and even then only temporarily.
I can call you silly names and mock your decisions because of that freedom, you pasty-bottomed lickers of tinpot dictator boots. I can criticize public officials, public figures, the president, even my boss, and (within reason) any blowback that comes my way is deflected by the Shield of Free Speech.
This is a rare freedom in our world, and it must be defended at every turn. I'm thankful that duty is not left to the likes of you, you panicky pantywaisted pants-wetters.
Given the security work that's been done since the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks, the training and resources dedicated to law enforcement agencies, and the sheer firepower packed by the American public, do you seriously think we can't keep our freakin' movie theaters safe?
So, theaters and Sony Pictures: Screen "The Interview." Don't keep scampering like scared, slithering, spineless, oozing pustules not worth the squirt of near-beer it would take to wash you off of the sole of my shoe.
Grow some spine. Grow some mettle.
Grow some America.
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