Editorial: A lesson (quack) in self-reliance

Hard to believe a liberal would turn down an opportunity for government action, but that's what happened when President Obama went on national TV to tell us that ISIL terrorists had killed over a dozen American citizens. Here. In the U.S. The long and short of it is that the president wants us to be true to ourselves and the values we share, and if ISIL comes knocking on your door, you're on your own.

Pretty clever, our president. Some of you, for over seven years, have complained that the president backs a nanny state and endless wealth transfer programs.

It's pretty clear he's fooled us. Rather than boldly launch a "Let's Protect Americans in America" program (this one even sounds like it might be constitutional), the president is offering a lesson in self-reliance. His subliminal message to you is "pack heat."

Now that I think about it, that's probably not what this president had in mind. He seems to be on the same track as the lefty political cartoonists from the service the Miner uses. For example, after the attack that killed 14 in San Bernardino, almost every liberal cartoonist placed the blame on guns and the NRA, even though this time the people behind the triggers weren't taking drugs for attention deficit disorder or skipping taking drugs for being bi-polar. No, this time the killers were imports with an agenda, and it had nothing to do with the 2nd Amendment.

So no, the president isn't going to actually suggest you protect yourself. So I'll do it.

Pack heat. I'm serious.

A few years back our Legislature took the 2nd Amendment so seriously a majority of them (think party lines) voted to allow concealed carry without a permit. There were the predictable objections, mostly from those who believe otherwise rational people will go nuts and start shooting if they are allowed near a firearm.

But that didn't happen. If anything statistically significant regarding firearms has happened in Arizona since the concealed carry law passed, I haven't heard about it.

Now that we've proved concealed carry isn't an automatic death sentence for any number of innocents, perhaps we need to make the effort to make it a death sentence for terrorists. Odds are extremely remote terrorists will stop here - similar odds were posted for San Bernardino - but don't let that keep you from doing your duty. If you own a handgun, take it with you ...

... Three sedans, each carrying three terrorists armed with AK-47s, are eastbound on I-40. They turn off at Kingman's three exits.

The first sedan pulls into the Lee Williams High School parking lot. As the three terrorists dressed head to toe in black emerge from the sedan and go to the trunk for rifles, ammo and bombs, sophomore slacker Carl Bonsortutti rouses himself from a daydream to digest what he sees out the window.

"Mr. Frenz," he says, waving his arms frantically. "I think we're going to have a lot of network vehicles in our parking lot before the day is over."

Frenz, a math teacher, gazes out the window before retrieving a rifle from a gun safe in the classroom. Standing two feet back from the window, Frenz took careful aim, the rifle barrel resting on a stack of textbooks.

The first terrorist had just turned away from the car trunk when Frenz squeezed the trigger. One down.

Then two down. Then three.

"Three terrorists, three bullets," Frenz informed the class. "That's what I call sustainability."

"That's what Frenz are for," Bonsortutti added. It's OK; he wasn't in English class.

The other two carloads of terrorists met the same fate, though one of them was beaten to death with a purse when an elderly woman's pistol jammed. (Actually she forgot to switch off the safety, but no one had the nerve to tell her).

Some say that such a scenario is ridiculous, especially since I skipped the part about the Justice Department investigation of all Kingman residents for profiling. I also left out the part about the bad guys firing back. They will do that.

But we won't be sitting ducks. As Americans, being sitting ducks is not a value we share.

•••

Football fans, have you noticed the huge change that has taken place since football season came on with a bang around Labor Day?

No, not a difference on the field. I'm referring to the difference in the commercials.

In September, your standard NFL break sometimes included both Draft Kings and Fan Duel commercials because both had bought so much air time.

Keep in mind these fantasy sports sites are legal in most states. No one has been arrested.

But with all that money that's certainly being generated, don't think for a minute that politicians could resist the opportunity to stick their nose in, meddle, and probably get a campaign donation for their trouble.

The politicians are meddling now. You were getting tired of those commercials anyway.