Older Than Dirt: Results Not Typical for This Commercial Critic

As we begin another new year, I'm finding myself spending far too much time making fun of television ads.

I think we can all agree that the "forever young" man who shows up at the class reunion is probably somewhere at the top of the hate list. What was Geico thinking when they put that commercial together? Does it make you want to run out and buy their insurance - or perhaps just kill the annoying kid?

The Chantix-smoking cessation pill is another zinger. When you read the fine print, which can only be done if you are watching a very large screen, you will see the warnings. Everything from suicidal thoughts to anxiety, sleep disorder, abdominal pain, what-have-you." Now doesn't that sound like something you want to try? How nice while you are withdrawing from cigarettes and a bit shaky already, to have suicidal or homicidal thoughts. Thanks for the help, Chantix!

And how do YOU feel when they stick a white-haired wig on a 30-year-old and try to sell you a life alert, or bladder control devices? What? You can't find one single old person to sell your product? Do you think old people are just stupid and don't notice?

Have you seen the ones that mention at the end, "May cause certain kinds of cancer or even death?" Hmmm. Maybe if they threw in "constant nausea" maybe I'd be more interested.

Believe it or not, they are still selling FREE credit reports! Can anyone explain to me how you can offer something FREE, spend a fortune on advertising, and still be in business? What am I missing here?

Often times I see a commercial that has the message "Results not typical" off in the corner somewhere. What do you suppose that could mean? Out of 1,000 customers the three they refer to have been successful? I would have to do a whole lot of research before jumping on that bandwagon!

Nearly every commercial now is required to say whether it is a REAL customer, or perhaps a dramatization. Or even a paid spokesperson. Am I the only viewer who finds it odd that they cannot find even ONE real customer to support their product? Just show me one! Seems simple enough.

General Electric seems to have hooked up with a really GOOD advertising agency. Their ads are good, and I especially like the one with the creature they have come up with. It has beautiful huge eyes and is shunned because he is a NEW IDEA, and people cannot accept him. Maybe I just like ads that have creatures instead of people. They appear to be so much more sincere. Must be that 30-year-old in the white-haired wig thing ...

As expected, the drug companies continue to spend a gazillion dollars on their advertising. They still believe in the, "Let's just give every condition a NAME and we can come up with a pill to fix it. We will put the possible side effects in such small print, they won't be able to read it anyway. Or we can talk so fast, they just won't understand how deadly these drugs can be." They spend most of their money on research and not commercials - right!

The worst part of all of this, their are those among us who truly believe this crap! Like the yogurt Activia with "Biffidus Regularis." Are you kidding me? Even FDA couldn't allow that one to continue. All they had to do was ask them what it was! No such thing. Imagine that. And let's not forget, you need to eat at least two a day for two weeks, I guess to get "regularis." I think it is safe to say that if you haven't gone in two weeks, you probably need to see a doctor!

And, finally, on to the never-ending infomercial and this question: Do the people who put them together think that an English accent makes the spokesman more believable? Where does that come from? Often times it isn't even a GOOD English accent!

But it's a good accent to make fun of.