Dear Abby: Is it possible that people can just fall out of love with each other? We have been married for 21 years and have three kids who are older. Over the last five years, my wife and I have stopped communicating. We don’t do anything together and have little desire to be with each other anymore.
We are good parents, but as far as being husband and wife, we have pretty much neglected each other emotionally and physically. Neither of us has strayed.
We haven’t been to a marriage counselor because I just don’t love my wife anymore, and I’m not saying this to be mean. It’s just how I feel. We have failed each other miserably as husband and wife, and she deserves better. She has been a great mom to our three kids, and I would never take that away from her.
Can people stay in a loveless marriage? We have talked it over, and we both agree there’s nothing left here for each other. I have already told her she needs to do whatever it takes to make herself happy because I can no longer be here for her emotionally or physically. – Fell Out of Love
Dear Fell Out of Love: People sometimes remain in loveless marriages for religious or financial reasons, because they are afraid a divorce would traumatize the children, or because they are afraid of being alone. If you and your wife agree that there is nothing left for either of you, and marriage counseling won’t fix the dysfunction in your relationship, then the logical next step would be an amicable separation or divorce.
Dear Abby: I need advice. I’m 23 and have been living with my boyfriend of almost two years. I love him dearly, but every time there’s an issue between us, it always becomes my fault and I’m always the one to apologize. What should I do? – Inexperienced in Tampa
Dear Inexperienced: Even a stopped clock is right twice a day. You should not be forced into the role of perpetual peacekeeper by accepting the blame for everything, and it won’t improve your relationship.
Because your boyfriend’s preferred method of solving disagreements is laying the blame on you, suggest the two of you get couples counseling. However, if he refuses you will then have to decide whether this is the way you want to spend the foreseeable future because things aren’t likely to change.