Dear Abby: Son’s drug habit causes crisis in mother’s marriage

Dear Abby: I have been married to a loving and supportive man for 15 years. We have been through a lot together and, for the most part, have been OK. My problem is my son, “Kyle.”

Yes, I know Kyle is a liar who steals anything not nailed down. And yes, he needs help for his drug habit – but he is still my son.

My husband told me I either tell Kyle he is not welcome in our home or our marriage is over, so I gave him back my wedding ring. I refuse to tell my son he can’t come over.

What do I do now? I don’t want to lose my husband, but I refuse to lose my son as well. – Torn In Two In Tulsa

Dear Torn In Two: If you love your son and your husband and value your marriage, you will tell your husband you spoke hastily and ask for the ring back. Then, you will finally put your foot down and stop enabling Kyle to continue his drug habit.

Tell Kyle he is no longer welcome in the house, and will be welcome to cross your threshold ONLY if he has completed rehab and is willing to make amends. It may be painful, but it is important that you find the strength and courage to do this because your son’s life may depend on it.

Dear Abby: Like a lot of fresh college graduates, I had difficulty finding employment for several months. However, I was just offered a position far better than anything I could have asked for. I am over-the-moon happy. The problem is my partner, “Gavin.”

Gavin graduated the semester before I did. He was in a different degree program, and he’s still without a job. He has become increasingly frustrated, and recently has been projecting his frustration on our relationship.

I need Gavin’s support and excitement for me over this new position, but I’m torn because every time I tell him a new detail about it, I can see in his face how upset he is. What can I do so I am not compromising my happiness trying not to upset him? – Working Woman In Orlando, Fla.

Dear Working Woman: The first thing I’d recommend is, out of respect for your partner’s sensitive feelings, to refrain from crowing about your jubilation. It may take Gavin a while to find the job he’s looking for in his field, or he may have to consider taking something outside of his field until he can network enough to find his dream job.