Dear Abby: I am a father of two girls. Both of them no longer see, talk to or contact me. I’m divorced from their mother. She cheated on me after she went back to work and met a man she decided was her soul mate. That was 17 years ago.
I haven’t talked to or seen my ex in all those years, and slowly both daughters distanced themselves from me until there was no relationship at all.
On Father’s Day, my birthday or Christmas I never hear a word from either one. I tried numerous times to be a father to them. My youngest was recently married and didn’t invite me to her big wedding. I had been saving money over the years in case one of them needed help with a home or wedding.
I have to say I am hurt. What could I have done to be a father when they didn’t want me in their lives?
I talk to people and they keep telling me stories similar to mine. Is this common? – Rejected Dad Out West
Dear Dad: Let me put it this way: It’s not unheard of. Something called “parental alienation” sometimes happens in bitter divorces, when one parent poisons the children’s minds against the other.
If I had to guess the reason for it in your case, it would be that your ex didn’t want the girls to know the reason for the divorce was her infidelity.
There is nothing you can do about it now, because a mindset and a pattern have been set.
Had you insisted on counseling for you and the girls when you realized the distancing was happening, you might have kept the lines of communication open.
Things may improve one day when your daughters have children who are curious about meeting you, but in the meantime, for your own sake, please go on with your life and don’t dwell on your disappointment.
Dear Abby: What should I say to someone who expects an invitation to a wedding but will not be receiving one and they ask why they didn’t get one? – Where’s My Invitation?
Dear Where’s: If someone is nervy enough to ask why he or she was not invited to the wedding, all you have to say is that for logistical reasons you had to limit your guest list.
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