Dear Abby: I lost my husband a few years ago and am now remarried. Some of my adult children, although they did not want me to be alone and they “say” they are happy for me, have been slow in welcoming my new husband.
I in no way expect him to be a replacement for their father. I only wish they would welcome him into their lives as they would anyone else’s spouse. They don’t have to love him. I ask only that they respect him and acknowledge that he’s part of my life now. Wishing him a happy birthday and happy holidays directly would go a long way to making him feel accepted, as would more general communication.
He has tried on numerous occasions to show an interest in their lives, but he receives little acknowledgment in return. His children have welcomed me into their lives. This has strained and changed my relationship with my children.
I just want a family again. Is it asking too much of them to accept my husband as part of the family and to treat him that way? – Missing My Family in Florida
Dear Missing: Have you told your children that the cool reception they have given your husband is harmful not only to him but also to you? If you have and they are still unable to warm up to him, it’s time to concentrate your efforts on building closer relationships with those relatives who are willing to be more welcoming.
Remember, we can’t change other people. We can, however, change ourselves, and by doing so, change the way we REACT to them.
Dear Abby: An older friend and I have exchanged emails since last spring. Hers have been mostly political and disparaging toward minorities. I asked her to please not send this stuff since we have opposite opinions on the subject, and I don’t plan to change my mind. I enjoy our in-person talks because they are nothing like the emails she sends, which are “forwards” somebody else has put together.
I quit reading them, but is there a way to politely stop her from disseminating nasty propaganda? I have tried fact-checking and sending corrections to her and to those on the long list of people she has sent these emails. It doesn’t work. – Fact Checker
Dear Fact Checker: Because someone sends you emails does not mean you must read them all.