Dear Abby: I have been married to “Oscar” for more than 30 years. He has been inattentive for more than 25 of those years. Over the last 15 years, I have found erectile dysfunction medications in his vehicles. Oscar claims he knows nothing about them. He lies constantly, even when the evidence is right in front of him. When I ask him if he is seeing other women, he claims to be impotent and tells me I am crazy.
I had an affair at 55 to try to raise my self-esteem. I once was very beautiful and even now, at age 68, I look quite good. I have stayed with my husband out of habit in spite of his hurtful comments and lack of affection.
Oscar has told me that if I need affection, “go get a job in a whorehouse.” I have had three back surgeries in less than a year, and when I cry with pain, he gets annoyed and tells me to cut it out.
He’s a narcissist and not much to look at. He goes out of his way to please strangers to make himself look good, but when I need a hand, I’m a “b----,” and my husband doesn’t lift a finger. Advice, please! – Unhappy in New York
Dear Unhappy: You have put up with this for how long? Your relationship with this man (I hesitate to call him a “husband”) is clearly loveless. Instead of asking me for advice, look within and ask yourself, “Is this really the way I want to spend the rest of my life?” When the chips are down and you need Oscar’s help, he not only turns his back but also calls you a b---- for asking.
Because you know he’s cheating, hire a private detective for a month and find out who with. Then talk to a lawyer about what your rights are as a wronged wife in New York.
Dear Abby: My 35-year-old stepson has moved back into my home so many times I have lost count. I ask only that he keep his bedroom clean, himself clean, help around the house and look for work.
I was unemployed for two years, but recently found a new job. It’s a start, but things are tight financially.
I have asked – pleaded – to no avail, and now have run out of polite ways to tell him to get out. I don’t want him to feel unwelcome, but I’m feeling very used. – Feeling Used
Dear Feeling Used: Your feelings are accurate. At 35, he should have long been able to find lodgings other than under your roof.
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