Dear Abby: I am a happily married man. I’m also a part of my church’s worship team and at the church three times a week. Two ladies are active in the church almost as much as I am. Every time I’m there it’s a good bet I’ll see at least one of them.
I’m ashamed to admit this, but I have lustful feelings for them. I would never act on my feelings, but I would like to get rid of them. Leaving the church is not an option. – Embarrassed in Kansas
Dear Embarrassed: You seem like a very nice person. Lust is part of the human condition. It has been around since before the Old Testament was written. Instead of feeling guilty, perhaps it’s time to accept that you are human.
Rather than quietly suffer embarrassment, it may help to discuss your feelings privately with your clergyperson. It won’t be the first time he or she has heard something like this, trust me. Sometimes simply verbalizing uncomfortable feelings can make them diminish or go away entirely.
Dear Abby: A co-worker reached out to me and we started talking. He asked me on a date, and we’ve been official for about a month now. He’s beyond amazing, but there’s a problem. He can’t express his feelings to me, or to anyone for that matter. He’s very insecure because he used to be overweight.
He hasn’t been in a relationship in forever. I know he’s serious about us. I’m slowly falling for him, and I want it to work out. Is there anything I can do to help him get comfortable with opening up to me? – Falling for Him
Dear Falling: Yes. Start by remembering the two of you have been “official” for only one month, and relationships – like trust – have to evolve. Do not push him to make a commitment or declare his undying love. If you are patient, as your relationship develops, he may become more open about expressing his feelings to you. Give him time, and because workplace romances are sometimes frowned upon, give him space.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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