Column: Turn off your TV and open the windows
I thought I would use this space today to discuss the burning issue on everyone's mind. No, not healthcare. Who cares about that? I'm talking about the soon-to-be hit reality show, "Teach." (See blurb on Friday's 16A - it really didn't deserve that much space.)
Tony Danza makes his way back to the small screen, only this time, it's for real! Just when we thought reality TV had hit a new low with "So You Think You're Too Fat To Dance," now comes this nonsense. It will probably find an audience, "Taxi" geeks if no one else, and it could become a huge hit, like "Scott Baio: After The Happy Days."
I still don't understand why people watch these shows. The best reality TV plays out every day in our community. Here, let me show you.
OK. Let me switch the channel and ... here we go. Oh, it's "Salem's Knot." That lovable scamp of a mayor is always getting into hot water. Let's see ... which episode is this? Oh, yea, the one where he kicks the no-growthers to the curb. I thought it might be a later show where he loses his bid to stay mayor because he forgets who elected him, but it's actually the one where he publicly sides with pro-growthers, labeling the "others" as "ridiculous hijackers."
This episode is kind of boring. Let's see what else we can find ... oh, here we go. It's "Supervisor Assistants" starring the county P&Z. Oh yea! I've seen this episode. This is the one where the townsfolk rally against a guy from a prominent family who wants to build a plant that might blow up.
Oh, that's strange. The head of P&Z just called a break so he could interview for his TV station the guy who's seeking approval from P&Z. Wow! He's not talking to anyone else. And now he's going back up to lead P&Z, which will make a decision on whether this guy gets to build his plant or not. I wonder how he will vote.
Hey, there's a special guest star in this episode. Awesome! It's the mayor. Why is he on this show? And did he endorse a letter to businesses in the community urging them to attend the meeting? Shoot! I can't remember how this episode plays out. Man! I just can't remember. I can't seem to hit the Neal on the head. Oh, that's it. Neal. That's why the mayor is so interested in something that's not even in the city. It involves an influential family. He does need to get re-elected.
Alright, we need some action. Isn't there an episode of "KOPS" on somewhere? Oh, here we go. Oh! I love this one. This is the one where the Kingman cops shoot a bear. The townsfolk get really mad because the cops shot the bear before it could kill someone. This episode drags on, but I'm looking forward to next week's program.
I've heard it will be the same thing, except in that episode, Kingman Police officers decide not to shoot the bear, opting to wait for Game and Fish to show up. Supposedly, the bear kills dozens of people, but, luckily, they're only golfers. Supervisor Gary Watson is called in to kill the bear by hitting it repeatedly with his huge taxpayer-provided monster truck. Still, the townsfolk rally to protest the cops' inaction. Soon after the demonstration, Game and Fish shows up to tranquilize the tall, hairy animal, then they attend to the bear.
Let's check out the region channels. Darn it! "Worthless Representatives" is still showing its 100-part series on the budget they can't pass. Man, is this getting stale! It was riveting for a while. First, the Legislature passed a budget but refused to send it to the governor. She sued the body, and won, but it didn't really matter, because once she got the budget, she crossed out all the things she didn't like and called a "do-over."
The Legislature, upset that they had to return to Phoenix in July, decided to toy with the governor's idea of raising sales tax to fund the budget's deficit, only to vote it down in the end. I'm not sure how this will all turn out, but I've heard rumors that Mayor Salem might make a guest appearance.
Then there's "Smile: You Are About To Be Arrested By The Only Sheriff In The U.S. Actually Doing His Job." Oh, that crazy Arpaio. He's always sending some illegal Mexican home. Someone should really investigate this guy. It's like he only wants documented foreigners and Americans living in Arizona. What's his problem?
If those programs don't feed your reality fix, there's always FoxNews and MSNBC. I've heard that if you split-screen the programs on your TV, you actually get a balanced news report. Be careful, though. If Sean Hannity and Keith Olbermann appear on your screen at the same time, your TV will blow up.
The truth is, there's no need to turn on the television to get your reality fix. It's playing out in front of your eyes every day here in Kingman. And who knows, maybe someday Tony Danza will make a guest appearance.
He could sure teach us a few things about bad acting ... though, bad acting is a way of life for some around here.