Dear Abby: Man’s cold reaction to wife’s miscarriage adds to her pain
Dear Abby: My husband, “Rob,” and I are at odds and your response may affect whether we stay together or not.
I had a miscarriage a week ago. I was only seven weeks pregnant, but it was still something real for me.
My husband’s niece’s birthday was over the weekend. I made it clear that I didn’t want to drive (three hours!) and be around people after what happened.
When he told me it didn’t matter, that it was his niece’s birthday, I lost it on him. After driving him to his sister’s, I left and drove myself home.
He says I’m overreacting and said that I was OK with it earlier in the week.
He can’t grasp why I’m so hurt by this. Am I overreacting, and am I crazy for feeling the way I feel? – Feeling Down in the South
Dear Feeling Down: I’m sorry for your loss. You’re not overreacting and you’re not crazy.
However, some people are unable to grasp how deeply a miscarriage in the early months of a pregnancy can affect the mother-to-be psychologically and physically. Rob appears to be one of them.
You didn’t mention whether you told your sister-in-law why you didn’t feel up to celebrating, but if you didn’t, you should have because she probably would have understood and let you off the hook. You also should have stayed home, not driven six hours round-trip..
If this continues to cause problems in your marriage, perhaps your clergyperson or a marriage counselor can help you get the message across to your husband.
Dear Abby: Please tell your readers that even though gay people are more integrated into our lives, it does not provide an open invitation to pry into anyone’s sexual practices. I think the bottom line should be: Keep your noses out of your friends’ bedrooms and everything will be just fine. I am a gay 49-year-old man in Texas and honestly would never dream of asking any couple – straight or gay – what they do when they are alone. It bothers me that some people think being accepted means I welcome these kinds of questions. – MYOB in Austin
Dear MYOB: There is no end to the nosy and intrusive questions people with poor judgment will ask. However, there is a standard response that may resolve your problem if you say it with a smile. It’s, “If you’ll forgive me for not answering that question, I’ll forgive you for asking!”