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Sat, Feb. 22

Dear Abby: Man’s nonstop work schedule leaves little time for wife

Dear Abby: I am a stay-at-home mom who doesn’t work. My husband wants me at home, and I’m OK with that, but the problem is, he is now working two jobs and I never see him.

When he gets home, he’s so exhausted he can’t keep his eyes open. He sleeps only four hours a night. I’m afraid he will crash and burn from overwork and lack of sleep. I also miss him and want to be with him. With no time together, I feel like I’m losing him.

How can I make this work? I don’t want to put pressure on him or make him feel bad, but I need him. I told him I’d get a part-time job, but he said he works for the both of us and that was the end of that conversation. I don’t want to lose my marriage over this! Do you have any advice that might help? – Losing Him in Tennessee

Dear Losing Him: I don’t blame you for being concerned. What your husband is doing isn’t healthy for him, for you or for your marriage. It’s time to discuss this with him more fully than it appears you have been able to so far.

He seems to be old-fashioned in his views about marriage. Generations ago, husbands were expected to be the sole provider, but economic reality has put an end to that. Today, both spouses work, primarily because they need to.

It may take mediation along with some input from his doctor to make your husband face reality, but he needs to understand that you are worried sick about him, that you’re not happy with things as they are and that you are starting your job search.

Dear Abby: My son was cremated as he had requested, but he also asked that his ashes be spread far away from home, which would require us to take a long trip to do. Would it be disrespectful not to accommodate that part of his request? If we did that, we would have no part of him near or with us. Do you have an opinion? – So Far Away

Dear So Far Away: Yes, but first allow me to offer my condolences for the loss of your son. If you feel the need to have his cremains physically close to you, do what will bring you comfort. Divide the ashes, keep some of them and honor his wishes with the rest.

Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.

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