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Mon, Oct. 21

Dear Abby | Houseful of extended family leaves no room for girlfriend

Dear Abby: I am a 56-year-old woman who has been with my boyfriend for seven years. He never lets me come to his place, but he comes to mine and stays every weekend.

He always has his married children staying with him, even though they are financially well off and don’t need to. Every time I suggest we should be together by now, another child’s family needs to move in, even stepchildren of his.

I left him for six months because I was tired of the rejection. We are back together again, and this last son and daughter-in-law (with their child and another one on the way) are there. Now he’s saying he wants to move in with me because they need the room for the new baby. He says that’s not the entire reason – it’s because he loves me – but I suspect he doesn’t want to be there with an infant on the way. I feel I’m being used, and I am not sure what to do. Advice, Abby? – Crowded House In Michigan

Dear Crowded House: Your boyfriend of seven years has made plain where his priorities lie. You have never been high on the list. In fact, you appear to have been more a convenience than a love interest.

The surest way to avoid being used is not to allow it. Do not permit him to move in unless you are clear on what YOUR objectives are, and have a firm commitment or he will break your heart (again).

Dear Abby: When I was in my early teens, I had a close friend whose grandparents picked us up every day from school.

One day as we were leaving school, her parents’ car was there instead of her grandparents’ and her mom broke the news that her grandfather had died that morning. Needless to say, we were both very sad.

The following day was partly cloudy and rainy. After school, we walked toward where we usually met her grandparents and we saw a rainbow. When my friend saw it, she looked at me and said, “He’s OK!” She meant her grandfather. Ever since, when I see rainbows I think of him, even though that was almost 20 years ago. – Rainbows In California

Dear Rainbows: Many readers have written to tell me they have found similar comfort after discovering coins that had emotional significance. Your letter made me smile. Thanks for sharing.

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