Dear Abby | Man insists on reading all of wife’s personal messages
Dear Abby: My husband and I have been together for 20 years. I have never cheated on him or given him any reason to believe I have. But he is constantly on my Facebook account. He also reads all my emails and text messages.
I have nothing to hide, but I feel foolish standing by him as he reads my messages.
If he doesn’t read my personal messages when I am up, he waits for me to go to sleep and reads everything. I have not answered messages that friends have sent me because he reads them, deletes them and then doesn’t tell me I got a message.
He gets mad at me if I tell him I don’t want him looking through my messages because he says I must be hiding something. I have changed passwords only for him to demand that I give them to him. His actions are making me extremely stressed. Is this normal behavior? – Stressed Somewhere in the USA
Dear Stressed: NO, IT IS NOT NORMAL, and it’s no wonder that you are extremely stressed. Your husband’s behavior is extremely controlling, and it is a reflection of the extent of his insecurity.
For your own sake, talk to someone at the National Domestic Violence Hotline about what is going on. Its toll-free number is 800-799-7233. The website is thehotline.org.
Dear Abby: I just started my first full-time job, and my boss is amazing but a bit overprotective. Last week, our marketing director, “Amy,” reached out and asked me to organize an envelope-stuffing for invitations to an event my department is hosting. This event was not organized by my department. It was being handled by the marketing and membership teams.
My boss thought it was unreasonable for me to have to do that. Amy apologized and helped me send out the invites, but since then she has been cool to me. It feels like others in the office have also withdrawn somewhat.
I really wish my boss hadn’t said anything. Any advice would be welcome. – Not a Complainer
Dear Not a Complainer: Your boss may have stepped in because there were tasks she wanted you to spend your time doing that are more important to her than stuffing envelopes. Tell Amy privately that you were glad to help with the invitations, and you never complained to anyone about having been asked to do it. It may clear the air. Then have a talk with your boss about chain-of-command rules, including whether you must get an OK from her before helping out other departments.