Dear Abby | Sons’ visitation will include meeting mom’s live-in beau
Dear Abby: I am going through a nasty divorce. My sons, ages 4, 11 and 12, live with my husband, 1,000 miles away. They will be with me for summer vacation. I am excited and nervous at the same time.
My problem is, my children do not know I have been seeing someone, and we live together. They didn’t get to meet him during the holidays when we were together. I have asked Sean how he feels about this, and he said he loves me very much, but he is scared of my boys. My soon-to-be-ex-husband said he has told them I left them for a new beau, which is not true. How can I introduce them slowly, and what can I anticipate for a backlash with the children? – Treading Lightly in the South
Dear Treading: Because you and Sean are living together, it’s a little late to introduce Sean “slowly.” Consider calling your older boys and saying that you will want them to meet “someone special who has made Mom very happy” and you are excited that they will be with you.
Once your boys arrive, schedule plenty of one-on-one time with them. Because of what your almost-ex has told them, it’s important they know they are most important to you, and you did not leave them for anyone.
Dear Abby: I’m a 66-year-old married man with two grown kids. I taught high school for 30 years.
A couple of years ago, a young English teacher, “Marci,” was teaching a class in my room, and we became friends. Since then, we have been going out on Fridays after school to have a few beers. We just enjoy each other’s company, but my wife thinks it is weird.
We have been married for 34 years, and most of them have been happy. It doesn’t make sense to me that she thinks I shouldn’t be hanging out with my former co-worker. I have started not telling her Marci will be at the brewery, when in fact she will be. I am recently retired and don’t have many friends other than the people I worked with all those years. Am I being weird or is my spouse? – Confused in Ohio
Dear Confused: You are not being weird; you are being dishonest. Your wife isn’t weird, either. She’s feeling threatened because you are “hanging out” with a younger woman.
Explain it to your wife that you don’t have many friends other than the people you worked with all those years, and you would like to maintain those relationships – at least until you can find new friends. If you invited her to come along with you, it might allay her fears.